29/08/2009

Back home.

Posted in family, isolation, People, Ramblings, social anxiety, travel tagged home, isolation, life, social anxiety, travel at 10:58 pm by paintedtigers

So, I’ve been back home for a few weeks now. It already seeems so long ago I was over there in Ireland, I don’t know why, boredom making things feel longer I guess? Some part of me still doesn’t believe I went and did that, that I was willing to walk away from my life and live in another country. I don’t know what it’s going to take to make this mind happy, I feel trapped. And so frustrated. Over there I should have been happy, but the way I am prevented it too often, things were perfect, I couldn’t have asked for anything more, and it kills me to think of what could have been…. I don’t even want to, it hurts too much when I really do.

So life when I got back. My dad picked me up from the airport along with my brother, as soon as I got in the car, arguing began. All I could think then was “why did I come back? What have I done?” etc.  My family all have problems, each and every one of them. My brother is the worst right now. Stealing, lying, manipulating, threatening and fits of rage are just some of the things my dad has to put up with. I can empathise with why he gets so angry, I just wish he’d deal with it in a better way. I know I need to get away from my family though, it feels suffocating living here and I’m constantly reminded of why I left…  I feel I’ll be more myself once I do so, less restricted and frustrated, more happy. I hope so at least. Can’t think of anything else to say for now… Just wanted to update this, always good to look back on things, no matter how bad they get…

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